Getting mentally prepared

So there is a little bit of an update in the grandfather situation.

I finally called the memorial service that did my grandfather's memorial service. They said they couldn't add anyone without letting his widow know. Which I get. Don't get me wrong. We shall see if we can get our half of the family added, which is a plus. The lady I'm working with is beyond helpful. She's trying to get ahold of the widow to get her permission to add the names. The other thing is I do want to try to get some of his ashes. Not much for obvious reasons but at least a little bit. I have my grandmother's ashes in my room and it would be nice if I could get some of his to put beside hers.

Which means......... I have to get in contact..... with her.

Yes, I wasn't happy he married her. I felt it was a bit too soon after my grandmother's death, but it was ultimately his choice and I chose to give her the benefit the doubt. Maybe she would be super nice. Man, was I super wrong.

She chose to not be a part of the family. Or accept his side of the family from his previous marriage. Any time I called for him, she would gate keep the phone. Until it got to the point I just stopped trying. The man was a big part of my younger life. 9 years he helped to raise me.

Now I have to mentally prepare myself to talk to someone who REALLY don't like me. Normally this wouldn't be an issue. I'm used to people not liking me. Their choice. I know. This time is different. In order to get at least a little bit of his ashes, I have to bite my tongue and hope she would be willing to talk to me. Can't say I'm excited to do this but I'm not the only one who's with me. My brother also wants some if I could get some of his ashes. So that's 3 small urns. One for me. One for him. One for my mom.

How does one do this? How does one prove themselves to one who already decided I wasn't good enough to be a part of his life. Or be a part of her extended family. That's what I have to find out before I call her up. I'm going to hold off until I hear back from the lady at the memorial service. At least one more day. As much as I would love to get his ashes, it does mean more to the family, to be properly represented on his obituary. I got the blessing of both my uncle (grandfather's son) and my own brother to continue this.

At first, I legit thought I was being petty. Not going to lie. I 100% thought I was being petty. I wanted to make changes to the obituary to exclude her family. Kind of a payback for what she did to us, you know? Speaking to the lady at the memorial center, I felt validated. Surprisingly so. I'm not the only one who has something similar to happen to them, and she was very eager to try to help and insistent on amending the obituary in the best interest of all the parties. She was understanding and offered multiple times to talk to her even with me saying I'm more than positive she's going to say no. Like why would she at this point.
Now all this is in motion, I have to figure out how to juggle all of this. It still breaks my heart to hear some of the details of his condition. One of my favorite memories with my grandfather is actually kind of one of the silliest. One of the times as a 5 year old stood up for herself.

I guess I was playing with a toy kitchen set. I don't remember all the details and he was picking on me lightly. Using his very large shoe, (I was very tiny) to step on my feet. Pretty much just lightly putting his shoes on my feet with his hand. I kept telling him to stop and he wouldn't listen so I did what any little kid would do. I bopped him in the mouth. Or Balled up my little fist and punched him in the mouth. While my great uncle said my mom should have reprimanded me for it, she just told him, "Well, she told him to stop. He didn't listen so she made him stop."

The part of the story I wasn't aware of until several years later, I apparently loosened his tooth. My grandfather, being a stubborn man, elected to pull the loosened tooth. Everyone laughed, including him, about me knocking out that tooth. He never held it against me. He was always encouraging in everything. We lived out in the countryside so when I was with him in the car and he was pulling into our very long driveway, he would put me in his lap and have me back into our front yard. For a 6-7-8 year old kid, I was pretty good.

Back to the previous topic, how does one prove themselves worthy?

You don't.

Once they make their minds up about their family, its super hard to change anything. Especially if she sees me as "disrespectful." So I have to be on especially good behavior and really bite my tongue. If I'm going to have any chance of succeeding in getting the ashes. Now how am I going to do this?
Any ideas?
I feel so lost.